Session 1 (Gods Design)

So it's a it's a little bit easier now, but whenever Brooke and I would take the kids almost anywhere when we were younger, or when they were younger, it was never really vacation. Like we would take time off of work, and whenever we came back, people would ask me like, "How was your vacation? Do you feel refreshed from your vacation? I would often tell them, "You misspoke. It's not really vacation. It's a trip, right? It's it's not vacation because when when your kids are younger, especially you're not necessarily thinking about yourself getting all the the rest because your trip isn't necessarily free and easy. When you have young kids, you're taking all their stuff, and and when we took all the stuff for our kids, especially in the earliest years of our older and younger sons, like we weren't just taking their clothes and toys, but we also took like their beds. And when I say their beds, I mean like their beds, as in like the mattress that they slept on and all the stuff that went with it. We carried the monitors. We had like everything in and everything that they had in their room, we basically put into our car so that they can stay on the same schedules and have all the familiar things as much as possible wherever we went. And so, what would inevitably happen is that we would get to the place that we're going, and then, like, they would all kind of go in and hang out and all that stuff, and I would come in with all of our things, and and I would try to like bring them all in in one sitting as much and as possible. So I would have like the bags, and then I would have bags strapped with bags, and then I would have the backpack on like normal, and then I would put another backpack on in front of me, and then like I I had all the stuff that I look like a bellhops cart in and of myself, and I would bring it in, and it was always like really comical because I would be knocking stuff over as I'm bringing all this baggage into whatever it is that we were or wherever it was that we were staying. To me, in a lot of ways, I feel like that is a picture of of marriage, in that when when two people are getting married, you kind of start with this idea of what marriage is or what marriage is supposed to be. But what you don't discover until you're already there is that it's two people bringing into a shared life their individual experiences that they had before, and not only their individual experiences, but also like generations of impact. Right? Like consider your own family for a second. Think about just how you grew up and how your life was impacted, not just by your parents, but by the way, your parents were treated by their parents, and those parents were treated a certain way by their parents, and it was because of circumstances or individuals or relationships and things happened. It made its mark on you, and now you're stepping into this relationship, bringing into it everything that you had experienced in your own life, and by the way, your spouse is doing the exact same, and so it's not vacation anymore. It's not the honeymoon phase anymore. Now it's life shared while we're carrying all this baggage and bringing it into what it is that we're meant to experience together. Now, the reason why it's important for us to have these conversations about marriage in church, and and get to a place where we are rooted in God's design for us, is because if we're not careful, it's the baggage that we bring and and the impacts of generations of of relationships, like experienced not only to us but through us and into the life of your spouse.

Like if we're not careful, it's the baggage that's going to disrupt the life that God created for you in a way that that what you have in your marriage is nothing like what God designed, and so when when we put an emphasis on on these conversations, we recognize that that this morning we have an opportunity to not just talk about marriage in in general as a concept, but but also your marriage, and not just your marriage, but the marriages that that that happen, and the generations to follow you, the legacy that your marriage leaves, and the impact it has on your children, and on their children, and on all the rest going down. The line, like this, isn't just about a topic for how we are treating each other right now. This is a conversation that can shape our world and our culture, and specifically, specifically the legacies in our homes. Now, I don't know what it is that that you are experiencing or what you expected. I once heard about this story of a young girl who had just watched Cinderella with her mom, the movie Cinderella with her mom, and she was being babysat on one particular night, and she had a conversation with her babysitter about it, and she said, "Yeah, I just watched Cinderella. And the babysitter was like, "Oh yeah, how'd you like it? And she was talking about it. She said, "Have you ever seen Cinderella? And the babysitter was like, "Yeah, I saw Cinderella. You know, she gets mistreated by her stepmom, and then she ends up going to a ball, and she falls in love with a prince, and she gets some new shoes, and then and then she marries the prince, and they live happily ever after. And that's when the little girl said, "No, they don't live happily ever after. They ended up married. Now, now there can be that sense for us, right, where we were expectingly expecting happily ever after, but marriage doesn't necessarily look like that. Well, why? Well, because the reality of marriage is not a fairy tale. It's awesome, and and the benefits and the joys that come with married life can't be measured. That says that said marriage isn't for the faint of heart, it's challenging. It will cause you to come to the end of yourself. It demands time, effort, investment, and the daily commitment to lay your life down as you daily step into a relationship that was meant to be outpouring into your spouse rather than solely thinking about how you receive marriage isn't just a big deal to us; it's a big deal to God, because marriage is the thing that that Adam and Eve had before the fall that God decided to bring into life even afterwards. It's the one thing that that still translated, meaning God designed us to be in a marriage relationship as a part of the human experience, and He did so for a reason. Now, now it doesn't mean that your spouse is meant to be your source of happiness alone. Your spouse isn't meant to fix all the things that are broken inside of you. Your spouse isn't meant to be your Messiah, the one that's going to save you or make you whole. Your spouse isn't the one that is supposed to make your world complete. There is one Messiah given to us, and it doesn't. That role isn't taken by your spouse. It's it's by Jesus alone. But in His design, we can be for each other what He desires us to be. Maybe not the source of wholeness, but a partner in life lived in the community of two. That that that stretches on into eternity. The happily ever after comes the life that is connected to Jesus, but till death do us part is a covenant relationship that God intended for us, and He did so with with a specific idea in mind, and so we're going to start from the beginning. We're going to look at God's creation of marriage and the roles that God designed for each, the husband and the wife, and that we would experience to the fullness all that God designed. And in so doing, we're going to see that that our marriages aren't meant for us to approach what's in it for me, but but more what am I meant to be for my spouse?

So let's look at Genesis chapter one as we talk about our roles in marriage, the roles that God designed for us in marriage, and by roles, I'm not talking about like who pays the bills, who goes to work, who does the dishes, who puts the kids to bed. I'm talking about our roles in that this is who we were designed to be for one another. So in Genesis chapter one, we're given the creation account, and in the middle of all the God did in the beginning, and it was good. We're told this in verse 26. Then God said, "Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness. Let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the." Over the cattle, over the earth, and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth. So God created man in His own image. In the image of God He created him, male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, fill the earth and subdue it. Have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, over every living thing that moves on the earth. Now, here's what I love about the the story of creation given to us here in Genesis chapter one is that in the context of God creating all the wonders of the cosmos and setting the foundation for what our life would look like on this planet, God determines to explicitly tell us that that God not only created mankind, but that He created the institution of marriage from the beginning. Like this isn't a man, like marriage isn't a man-made thing. It wasn't like two people just so happened to cohabitate and decided maybe we should do this together. What do you think? Marriage was baked into our creation. See in Matthew chapter 19, Jesus references this narrative in Genesis chapter one as an answer because he was asked about divorce, and and and what he thought about divorce, and and Jesus said, "You'll remember from the beginning that God created them, male and female. He created them, and for this reason, a husband's supposed to leave his his his family, his mom and his dad, and be joined to his wife, and he said, "Therefore, like what God has put together, let no one separate. So Jesus references this creation account and the creation of man and woman as a proof text that God designed marriage to be till death do us part. So, so what we see in this is that God had in mind the commitment of marriage from from the beginning, and so when we talk about what we bring into our marriage, a lot of times, like we're we're not only bringing in the history of our relationships and that of our family, but but we're also bringing into this like cultural ideas and what the culture says about the role of a man or the role of a woman in a marriage or what it's supposed to be like. I did this wedding one time, and and the bride to be specifically asked me to to tone down the one flesh part of what the Bible says about marriage. She said, "Because I don't want to to live like in light of my husband. I want to still keep my personal identity. Like there's there's so many ideas that that we carry into a relationship and into a marriage and and and God would have us see that because He created marriage in the beginning, that that marriage isn't about what you think or what your family thinks or what the culture thinks. It's about what God says we are meant to be for each other. So with that, turn with me now to Genesis chapter two. Genesis one gives us the synopsis of man's creation, but Genesis two actually gives us the play by play on how it went down. And so after he talks about creating man out of the dust of the earth, we're told this in verse 18, and the Lord God said, "It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. Now it's at this point that a lot of people in our culture start to kick up the dust a little bit.

They don't like this idea that that a woman was created to be a helper to the man, but but we get it twisted when we only see it in in light of of how it reads to us in the English, and then how we interpret that these English statements through the lens of our own culture or understanding, like God didn't create a woman to be second class to a man. That's not anywhere in the scriptures, especially in this early account. See, see, God was helping us understand in the way that He frames this out that we were meant from the beginning to do life together. See, He says it's not good for a man to be alone. This is not a discovery that God made. Like He created Adam, and He saw everything else was created in in. Two's and had a partner, and then he looked at Adam. He was like, "You know what? I I messed up somewhere over there. Like I should have given him a wife. No, no. God did it in the order that He did it for a reason. And this statement that it's not good for a man to be alone isn't a discovery God is making, but a statement that we would understand that our life wasn't meant to be lived as as a lone ranger kind of life. Our our life is meant to be lived in connection with others. And God's answer to the loneliness of Adam was a bride. So she is not second class; she is God's answer for how we are meant to live life together. And so, jump down to verse 21. Jump down to verse 21, and then be ready to turn to Ephesians because we're going to compare what we're given here. Verse 21: And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman, because she was taken out of man; therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. Now, this is the way that God lays it out from the beginning, and I think it's super interesting that God frames this in a way that that makes the creation of Eve as something unique and specific. See, God could have created Eve the same way He created Adam: take some dust, create like a little mud statue, and then breathe life into it. He could have did the same thing for her that He did for him, except God chose not to. God wanted us to see that there is a unique bond that we are meant to share in our relationship, and so God decided, you know, I'm going to do a little bit of surgery. God gave His own anesthesia to Adam, put him to sleep, and then he cut out a rib, and through that rib, God created his his bride. Now it's in this bond that is shared, this one life, this one flesh that we're told about here in the early portions of Genesis, that God actually fleshes out our design for marriage, and Paul the apostle brings that to her attention in Ephesians chapter five. So leave your marker here. We are coming back. In fact, we're going to flip back and forth between Genesis two and Ephesians chapter five. So leave your marker here. Turn with me to Ephesians five. And look at what Paul says, inspired by the Holy Spirit, starting in verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish, so to himself, or excuse me, so husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who does, he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, of his bones. For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This is a great mystery. But I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless, let each of you, in particular, so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. Now, in all of that, I want to draw your attention back to verse 32, where Paul says that this descriptor of the man and wife relationship is something specific. He says in verse 32, "This is a great mystery, but I speak concerning Christ and the church. That word mystery is interesting for us. We see the word mystery and we think of something that is unknown. But this particular word used for mystery, especially in this context, gives the idea of something that. Was not known before, but is known now, is being revealed now. So what Paul is saying is that this thing that mankind never saw in the generations of of of human experience and relationship is that as mankind was made to be a reflection of God. The relationship dynamics between husband and wife was always meant to be seen as a reflection of the relationship that Jesus has with His church. That that was baked into the the creation account from the beginning. That's something that God always wanted for us to see, and so He created the institution of marriage from the beginning, so that as it's lived out going into the life and the experience with Jesus, we could point to the husband-wife dynamics and say that's what our relationship with Jesus is like. From the beginning, God had that purpose in mind. So when He says that this is a great mystery, that word "great" is interesting. It's not talking about great as in big. It's talking about great as in profound. He's saying the profound mystery that we didn't see, but now we do, is that God meant this from the beginning to have a specific purpose, and for us to relate the relationship between Jesus and His bride, and the dynamics between husband and wife. And so, as we then talk about the the dynamics that God instituted from the beginning, we're going to look at both Genesis and Ephesians to talk about each of our roles and how that is meant to then be played out in light of the relationship dynamics we have with Jesus. So, going back to Genesis chapter two. Look again at verse 18. It says, "And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him. So you and I see the word helper, and we think in our mind, Servant. We we we see the word helper, and and and maybe some of us think baby factories and housekeepers and objects for men's pleasure, and that's because there have been throughout our human broken human experience men who have treated women more like property than people, and so it's in those negative experiences that we don't like the idea of of helper, especially as it's presented in the English here in Genesis chapter two. But God's intention was never for the woman to feel second class. Remember, God created them, man and woman, in His own image, meaning that our value isn't in our gender. Our value is in the fact that we are image bearers of God, and that we are both meant to be a reflection of the heart, the character, the creativity of God. So there's no second classness when it comes to God and His design for the relationship between a man and his bride. Now this word "helper" is super interesting.

It actually fortifies this idea of her value and worth, because the the word helper is a military term, and and it gives the idea of of calling in the reinforcements that she is a reinforcement to him. Now, in case that doesn't like have an impact with you, let me just put it to you this way: This same word is used roughly 16 times throughout the Old Testament, and in every single one, it is a reference to God being the deliverer, the rescuer, and the shield in time of crisis. So, so the way that God presented to a husband, the gift of his wife is seen through the lens of her being the support system that he needs, and vice versa. That they are together the the picture of what God designed in in the wholeness that marriage brings, and the word "comparable" actually sets the tone for this, because it gives the idea of opposite likeness, or better understood according to the opposite. In other words, God made the wife to be what the husband isn't-that she brings to the table what. He doesn't. It's in their relationship to one another, and in their bond together that they bring to the table what God uniquely designed for both of their experience, and so together we recognize that God has wired us and called us into a life that that might be different, but it's meant to be cohesive. Like we don't have to fight for having the same position or do the same things or have the same place, because the sameness in our value isn't measured by the sameness in our role or the lack thereof. Like we're different for a reason, so that together we can be more complete. Now, for the bride to consider that she was created to be a support and to be what the husband isn't, Paul tells us like what that looks like, how that's meant to be lived out, and so go back to Ephesians chapter five and look at verse 22. Wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands in everything. Now, now we might like the idea that the bride was created to be a support system for the husband in the way that she is a rescuer or a reinforcement to him, but then to now talk about it being lived out in a way that she submits to him and to his leadership. Well, that again flies in the face of the culture, but again, it should not. That word "submit" is also a military term, and this time it means to fall under rank. Now, that should not be jarring to us when you recognize, especially the way that God baked rank into almost every fabric of our society. You see, rank not only in our military but in our governments, and not only in our military and our governments, but it's baked into our churches, and it's also baked into our workspaces, and it's baked into our families. And so, like this idea of having rank was God's way of of creating order and function, and so it's not about value, and it's not about like a certain level of being equipped more than the other. It's simply about calling, and I think looking at the church is a great way to think about it, because the Bible makes it clear that God is the head of the church, right? Go ahead. Like, we're going to be here all day. So, like, I ask a question. Let's let's do this together, so I know you're still with me. Like, God created us as a church in a way that we recognize that he is the head of the church, right? That's right. Now, for me, as a pastor, and as the the the lead pastor, the senior pastor of this church, do I have this call because I'm better than you? Do I have this call because I'm I'm more gifted than you, or that I'm like better qualified. Are you, or do I? I have a better relationship with God than you do.

No, I have this this job because God called me to it, because He chose me to do it, and because He He gifted me and and and led my life into this. It's not about better; it's about different. We function as the body. Jesus is the head of the church. I just serve in my function the way that you serve in yours, and it's the same thing when it comes to our families. Like when when when God sets in His economy for the wife to live in submission to her husband, it's just falling under rank because God established that the husband was meant to be the leader of his family. Why? Because there's a relationship dynamic in our marriage that's meant to be a reflection of our relationship with Jesus, and by the way, is there any confusion that our life falls under the authority of Jesus? Well, no. So, if that's the case, then it's not about greater value in and of itself. It's about understanding that. God has established order in our society, and He built the order of our family in such a way that the husband and father is meant to be a leader in a way that he reflects the heart, the life, and the mind of Jesus. So, ladies, when God calls you into a support role in your marriage, don't take it as an insult, but as an honor that God has something specific for you in mind. Because leadership is simply about stewardship; it's about caring for what belongs to God, and so ultimately your life is in submission to Jesus, trusting Him with the order He created for our homes. Now, I believe that the reason why Paul specifically Commands that the wives submit to the rank of of her husband in support is because there is that part of our human nature, and I'm going to underscore our. So it's not just for the ladies, but it's in our human nature that we hate submission. We hate the idea of submission. Like ladies, let me ask you, and and and you don't have to raise your hand, but this is this is for you to just think about. Like, how many of you love the idea of submission? Like, God says submit, and you're like, oh, we're getting to the good stuff now, right? Because there isn't in any of us this attraction to the idea of of submission. That's why in in our culture rebellion is seen as a virtue. That's why in in our culture that speaking truth to power and standing up in resistance of authority is often praised as something that that is honorable, and because it is in our human nature, it seeps into our marriage, and and we see that as a result of sin. See, after sin encountered or sin was encountered by Adam and Eve, and they brought it into their marriage. God tells them what the repercussions are, and in Genesis chapter three, this is what God says to Eve. He he says to her in verse 16, he says, "I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception. In pain you shall bring forth children. Your desire shall be for your husband, and he shall rule over you. Now we hear that, and we're like, "Oh, my desire is for my husband. Yes, because I love him so much. Except that's not what it means in the Hebrew. The idea when he says that your desires for your husband-that word "desire" in the Hebrew gives the idea of of mastery or controlling, he says it's as a result of sin. It is baked into your DNA now. This desire to control or master your husband, which I'm sure all the ladies in the house were like, not me. I don't ever try to control my husband, but we see it, right?

We see it in the culture, we see it in the way that women tend to, or women can talk about their husbands, the way they can minimize him, and not only in their own hearts and minds, but maybe even to their children, or to the other people around them, they demean them and they demean their role as a means of making it so that they don't have to follow if they can make them unworthy of following, or they will approach them in such a way that maybe they don't usurp all of their authority, but they try to like try to manufacture a different kind of authority by controlling them through maybe manipulation. Like I know if I say this, my husband's gonna respond. Like I know if if I've been asking my husband to do stuff, and he doesn't do it. And then I know that if I get up and be like, "Well, I guess I'm going to just have to take care of it myself, then he's going to be guilt ridden and jump up and do it. I know I can control him that way. I know that if I say it like this, I can get my husband to do that. He's saying there's that part of you that's going to want to control your husband and and control the situation or be master of your home, and I'm telling you, like God designed it a different kind of way. Paul says, and so Paul says, look, you need to be able to submit under His rank, regardless of how you feel, because it's the way that God. Established the economy of your home. Now, where sin might drive a person to try and control a situation, I feel like there's a need for for us to remember that your role as support for your husband is God's expression of of showing him favor. You are know that, like your place in his life is God showing him favor. You are the embodiment of God's favor to your husband, or at least that's how God meant you to be. That's why we're told in Proverbs chapter 18 verse 22: He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord. Like, ladies, have you ever really thought about that? That that you are given to your husband in a way that you are the expression of God saying to him, "I love you. So when God's word instructs a wife to submit to her husband as a reinforcement to him, to be a breath of fresh air to him, to invest in him and collaborate with him as as he lives and and and and serves. and cares for his bride. I think it's important to say that this isn't quiet obedience as much as it is an encouraging assistance, so that your husband can be the man for you that God has commanded him to be. So this requires not only a trust of your husband, but also trusting God with your husband, because your husband is accountable for how God leads you, leads you, and serves you, and and God has has created a space for you to rest in the fact that God is the ultimate one in authority. So it works kind of like this. How many of us have daughters? Right, a good handful of us have daughters. Like I don't know about you, girl dads, but but for me, like I I'm I'm I'm I say this joking, except I'm not. I will kill a man for my daughter. I am raising my boys to be the kind of men that God has called to take care of the brides that God will eventually give them. But I am responsible for my bride until that day comes that some fool finally proves himself to be worthy of my daughter's hand in marriage, and that fool better love her like I love her, and care for her like I care for her, and I will not sit idly by by the mistreatment of my daughter. That's not going to happen. Not now. Not ever. If I am a broken human being and I feel this way about my daughter, how much more is the infinite heart of God for His daughter given to her husband?

So, ladies, when you consider the scary aspects of submitting to your husband and being a support system to him, and trusting your life into his leadership, his stewardship. Understand that your rest isn't in your husband's ability to do the job. Your rest is in God's call on his life and God's demand for him to be the man for you that God decided He is meant to be, and God will hold him accountable to it. Like that's not an idea. That's not this ethereal like possibility. It is a reality. It is a fact. He will stand before God in the way that He loves you and serves you and leads you and cares for you, and there are consequences in this life He will face when He fails to do the job. So your trust isn't in in in your husband as much as it is in God with your husband, and as God entrusted your care into His hands, and as much as God calls you into a place of support, God adds this in Ephesians chapter five, verse 33. Nevertheless, let each one of you, in particular, so love His or so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. You know, it's said in our culture that respect is earned and not given. This is the kind of mentality of the culture that has no place among God's people. Notice that love and respect are given in the same breath, in the same context. So, is God's love ever meant to be conditional among us? Go ahead. That's another one of those questions I can ask and and get a response. Is God's love ever meant to be conditional among us, no, because if that was true, none of us would ever be loved by God, because none of us could deserve God's love. It was while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us, and and if His death is the greatest expression of His love, then then He gave us the love like He gave us His love measured at its highest at a time we couldn't possibly earn it. So why then, ladies, do we flip the table and are like, "Yeah, you love me unconditionally, but I'm not going to respect you until you do. And then even then, I'll think about it because respect is earned; it's not given. That is a mentality of the culture. God commands a bride to respect her husband not because he earned it, but because of the position that God called him to. In the same way that we might not like the president, but he's still the president. Like him or not, he's still the commander in chief. Like him or not, if you're in the military and the president steps in the room, you will salute. Like it's not even a question; it's going to happen. And so the idea is respect the man that God called him to be and the position that God put him in, and no matter whether or not he he deserves it or has earned it, that command to respect him is still in play. In the same way that you might not always deserve unconditional love, but it is demanded of your husband to give that to you always. It's the same same thing. Unconditional is the operative idea in this. And ladies, the best way for your husband to be for you, like like if you want to be an instrument in the hand of God to to mold and to shape your husband to be for you all that God created him to be, disrespecting him is never a way to create respectability in him. Like it doesn't happen that way. Have you ever disrespected somebody in a way that they became the person they were meant to be to earn your respect simply because you disrespected them? No, it doesn't happen that way. You'll never have the kind of husband worthy of your respect as long as, or, or I should say, you won't play a role of having a husband deserving your respect as long as you continue to disrespect him. There's an example given to us in the scriptures, and the dynamics of relationship between King David and Macaul. You remember Macaul, right? Saul's daughter.

Um, that was a troubled relationship almost from the beginning, and and there was a point where they had been separated, and then and then Adam, or excuse me, David went and got her back and and and took her back to himself, and and there was a period of time where where David went and got the Ark of the Covenant. There's a whole story behind it. We don't have time to get into this morning, but he brought the Ark of the Covenant back into Jerusalem to bring it back into the temple. And he was so excited about it that he was leading a procession of of a parade, and he was jumping, and he was dancing, and he was worshiping, and he was just letting himself go. And McCall saw him from a distance. It was like that's a king. You know, my daddy never did that. My daddy wasn't like that. My daddy was dignified. This guy's acting a fool. He's like he showed up and and and guarded him, disrespected him, and and and did so to his face. Like he showed up and and and and she was like, huh? So that's what a king looks like. Now, as a result of of that interaction, the Bible tells us that she was barren. She couldn't have any kids, which was a big deal. Not just like to the motherly instincts, but in that culture, childbearing like proved value, and and and she was barren as a result of the way that she disrespected her husband. Like ladies, maybe there's a barrenness in your marriage. Maybe from your experience, because there's a lack of of willingness to give your husband the respect that. God determines He is worthy of simply because the place that God has placed Him in. Does that make sense? So, so, so God says, ladies, you are made with a purpose, and your value is in your image bearing, and and and as a result, the way it's mapped out is in the way that you support your husband. You're a reinforcement to him, and and and so like fall under his rank and and respect the man that he is meant to be, and and then you will bring to the table what what God designed for you to be, so that he can be for you what God told him to be. Now, what does that look like? I'm glad you asked because, fellas, it's our turn now. You're like, thank you, Brandon, for getting the heat off of us. Now put it on our husband already. Well, here we are. Go back to Genesis chapter two. In Genesis chapter two, we're told this, and the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept. And he took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man. And Adam said, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh, she shall be called woman because she has she has been taken out of man. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. This is my favorite biblical descriptor of the husband-wife relationship. This idea that God takes two individual lives and makes them one flesh. This one flesh dynamic is not allegorical. It's not just some idea where God creates a likeness and says you guys should be kind of like that. Because every time this idea is mentioned in the scriptures, it says they are one flesh, not they are like one flesh. And the end result then is that we live a one flesh life to the degree that what we have for each other is unique. So there's two things I want to talk about in the one flesh dynamic, and we're going to talk about why it's specific to the men in a second. Number one, there there is a uniqueness in our bond, like the one flesh descriptor reminds us that there is a uniqueness in our bond. Meaning, nobody gets to have with us what our spouse has. Now, there's an application to both of us. It's written specifically to men. Again, we're going to talk about why in a minute.

But there needs to be in us an understanding that our moms and our dads don't get to have with us what our spouse gets to have. Our brothers and our sisters don't get to have with us what what our spouse gets to have. And listen, neither our homies nor our kids. Listen, your kids don't get to have with you what is unique to your spouse. How many how many families in our culture do that backwards? Your spouse doesn't get to have what you have with your children. God didn't say you are one flesh with your children. You're not one flesh with your mom and dad. You're not one flesh with your friends. You're not one flesh with your work buddies. You are one flesh with your spouse. Nobody gets to have that, but your spouse. Secondly, not only is there a uniqueness in our marriage because of our one flesh dynamic, but there is a commitment that is given to our wife or our husband that is unlike a commitment given to anybody else. It was your husband, it was your wife that you said, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do us part. Think about that for a second. Think about that that that statement that you made, for better or for worse. Meaning, for worse is on the table, and even if it gets bad, like bad, bad, like what has my world become bad? Even if your whole world blows up every single day from now into eternity, you promised each other it's you and me forever, and God meant that to be there in our marriages. That's why Jesus said, "What God has put together, let nobody separate. Now, is there nuance to that? Obviously, and Jesus sets the tone, but for the purpose of God's intention, there needs to be a mind in. That there is a uniqueness to our marriage that nobody else gets to touch, and it is a commitment that is meant to be till death do you part. Now, why specifically to the men? Well, at the time, it was already understood that a wife was given over to her husband. It was it was it was baked so much into their culture that they almost didn't even need to talk about it. But the problem is that these dads, or excuse me, these husbands can be like mama's boys, and so there is a need for them to understand. Nah, you you cut ties, so the idea in this is that you are as given to your spouse to your wife as she is given to you. So this is the tone setter, fellas. Does your wife have all of you, like every bit of you, in a way that nobody else gets to touch, in a way that nobody else gets to be compared to your wife. According to God's word, is meant to have a specific place in your experience where you don't just look at her as as as with you, but the other part of you. I don't just live life with Brooke. She's not my roommate. She's not my caretaker. She's not my cook. She's not my housemaid. She is my wife, and she is the other part of me, and it's from that space that Paul is like, okay, let's talk about that, and and so Ephesians chapter five fleshes that out for us, fellas, starting at verse 25, husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for her, that he might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of the water by the word, that he might present her to himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church, for we are members of His body, of His flesh, and of His bones. So it's based on the fact that we are one flesh that Paul says, "Now, now, this is how you are meant to fill the role of husband in the life of your wife, and it starts in the way that you love her.

He says, "Husbands, love your wives just as Christ also loved the church. Meaning, our love for our bride is meant to equal the love that Jesus has for His bride. So, ladies, I'm gonna tell you this: like, is it a tall task for for for you to submit to your husbands and to follow under his rank? Yes, but he has by far the most difficult task, because he is meant to love you, not like other men love their brides not like men are supposed to love their women in society, but like Jesus loves His church. That's the demand of Him. The leadership in your life is meant to be a leadership rooted in love, and that love, according to this section of Scripture that love, according to this scripture, shows itself in these three ways: in sacrifice, in sanctification, and in service. Now, now let me just say this: as much as God gave you husbands, your wife as an act of His favor, you are meant to be present in the life of your wife as an act of God's love for her. So, so Solomon, King Solomon, when he was building the temple, he was working in partnership with this other king in Tyre. His name was Hiram, and and they were working together. and And Hiram wrote Solomon a letter, and he said this in in Second Chronicles chapter two verse 11. He he says to Solomon, he says because the Lord loves his people. He made you their king. The idea is that we are meant to fill the role of love in a reflection as a reflection of Jesus in such a way that our brides can say, "Because God loves me, He made you my husband. Do you think your wife can say that of you? I know that God loves me because of the husband God gave me. Now let's understand something: the culture's version of love is is more like an emotion monster. It's totally selfish in nature. It's the kind of love that says I can't help who I love, and that's why I left my spouse because I fell out of love with my spouse and I fell in love with somebody else because their version of love is so rooted in self, it is uncontrollable, and it is a force that does more destruction than good. It is a love that says, "Well, because I can't help but love who I love, and because that person makes me happy, I'm going to wreck my family as a result. I don't care if it puts my kids in therapy. That's not the kind of love that reflects the heart of God. As as we consider that love is expressed through sacrifice, through sanctification, and through service, we recognize that love is meant to empty self, not look to fill self. Does that make sense? It's not wrapped in emotion; it's wrapped in dedication, and it's not just built into the things that we do. It's meant to be built into who we are, because God is love. Therefore, He loves, and if our love is meant to reflect His, then we are meant to embody love to our family, specifically to our wives, so the expressions given to us are in sacrifice, sanctification, and and and in service. And it looks like this: we're told that Jesus loved his bride, and so he gave himself for her. The way it's written in the Greek is that he willingly gave himself for her? So this is what it does not look like, fellas. I'm tired. I had a long day. I got all this stuff going on. Fine, I'ma do it for you, but I don't like it because of all the things that I'm dealing with. What? It's a sacrifice, isn't it? A good enough sacrifice for you. Sacrifice is not sacrifice. If you're not handing yourself over willingly and laying your life down, sacrifice rooted in love says, "I don't care what it costs me, because you are my bride. It is a willingness to say, I have nothing left to give, and I'm still going to give you whatever I have left, because of who you are. The same way that Jesus emptied Himself for us, the same way that Jesus fully gave Himself to us, and still does. And then there's sanctification, fellas.

Let me ask you: Who sets the spiritual tone in your home, okay. And by that, I'm not talking about who's the spiritual dictator. I'm talking about who's the spiritual nurturer in your home. It's not enough to just say go to church, read your Bible, say your prayers, because I'm telling you to. How do you how do you lead your wife into it? Notice the way it gives us the description of Jesus. It says Jesus gave Himself for her, for her holiness, and how did He do it by the washing of the water by the Word. It doesn't mean beating her upside the head with the scriptures, because she has failed to measure up to you once again. It doesn't mean throwing in her face all the ways that she has broken the Bible in a way that that that has failed to meet your expectations. Washing her with the water Of the word is is is about bathing her, soaking her in in in God's heart, in God's mind. So so this is what that means to us, fellas. We can't punt on our spiritual obligation to our wife. Man, I put food on the table. I take them to church. I go do the things, but she's the one that that that reads the Bible. She's the one that that reminds us to pray. She's the one that that teaches the kids. Like fellas, we are meant to be the priests in our home, and we are the spiritual tone setters in a way that we pour over the our wives the the the love of God through the Word of God, so that she could just be soaked in it in a way that we present her to God fully His. So I'm going to say this real quickly and and and and wrap this up fairly quickly. So my wife went camping with some friends when we were dating, and some of you maybe have heard about it, but but I love the way it paints this picture. So so so she didn't have a sleeping bag, so she asked me if I had one, and of course I did, and and and so for her, one of the things I found out about her while we were dating is that she loves the smell of good cologne, and and and I thought she might have liked my cologne. So this is what I did: I opened up the sleeping bag and I took some of my cologne and I sprayed the entirety of the inside, and then I thought, you know what? She tends to get cold, like like she could be cold in the middle of the Sahara Desert in the summer and 120 degrees. Like she is just naturally just like frozen, right? And and so I was like, I'll give her another. And I overlapped that with my sleeping bag, and I was like, well, that needs to smell like me too. So I went, I sprayed the blanket, and then I thought, you know what? I better do it again because sometimes cologne can just like go away, and I want to make sure it stays. That by the time she opens it, she's not like, what, what? You spread some cologne. Like I want her to know I did. So I sprayed it even more, and then I and then I closed it up, and then I rolled it up, and I kept all of just the aromas in that sleeping bag. So when she went camping with her friends, and they all unraveled like all their sleeping stuff, and she unraveled her sleeping bag, like it was so potent that they had to open up all the windows. They were like fanning that mess out of there. She was like so embarrassed, but but I thought that she was loving it. So that when she got back and I was talking to her on the phone, I was like, "Hey, so did you get that surprise I met for you? And she's like, "Oh yeah, and it did not go the way that I thought it was gonna go. But there's this thing, like, like I think somebody even told her, like, what is he trying to do? Mark his territory.

The thing is, like, when we're talking about our influence in the lives of our wives, we're not trying to present them as greater expressions of us. That they're soaked in all of our aroma. The best thing that we could do for our family is leave the aroma of Jesus. That that they sense Him, not us. And so that leads us to service, and this is how we're going to close. The one flesh dynamic helps us to understand the the depth of our service. Martyn Lloyd Jones put it this way: A man must love his wife as his body, as part of himself. As Eve was part of Adam, taken out of his side, so the wife is to the man because she is part of him, so to care for her is to care for ourselves, and so this is what that means. Now, does this mean that we have to do for our wives everything she demands of us? You live to serve me, servant, so do everything I command of you. Well, is that the way our relationship looks like with Jesus, obviously not. But what does our relationship look like? Well, you remember. For the sake of time, I'm going to just tell you. You remember that the night that Jesus was going to be crucified, he knew full well what he was getting into. He knew everything that was going on, everything that he was dealing with and feeling and being impacted by, he looked around and he saw all of his disciples, including Judas, who would betray him. And then he looked down and he saw their dirty, nasty feet. So he got up, and he took off his outer garment in the same way that he emptied himself of all of his rights and authority and power as God, and he tied a towel around himself in the same way that he clothed himself in humanity, and then he got down and he did the job of the lowest slave of the house in the same way that he did the job by paying the price for our sin, and he washed. His disciples' feet, and then he said, "You know what I've done for you. If I am your master and lord, then you do what I do, because you're not greater than me. Husbands, this means that even though you got a bunch of stuff going on, and even though your wife may feel like more Judas in that moment, than than than John. If you see she needs you, and you see a way she needs you, then that's an opportunity for us to take off our pride, to take off our selfishness, to empty ourselves of our position, and to clothe ourselves in humility, and love our bride in the way that we serve her, in the way that we're not like I had a hard day. Why don't you go fix me a plate? But in the way that we say, I see you've been on your feet all day. I see, I see that you're at your wits' end. I see all this stuff piling up, and I know that's normally the thing that you take care of. But, but I see your need, and so, so I'm going to step into it. That's service. Read your wife. Know your wife. Know what pleases her. I'm telling you. Like if I serve my wife by giving her flowers. I know that I'm not serving my wife because my wife doesn't want flowers from me. What she wants is for me to do the dishes without her having to say something about it. What she wants is for me to maybe take the kids and put them to bed so that she doesn't have to deal with it. What she wants is for me to be able to step in and help her in a way that translates to her. Well, what about your bride? Know her and serve her. Look, family, this is the the position that God has given us, the roles that God has established, that He designed our life to be together. And I know I know this stuff is hard hitting, but can we not see the beauty in it?

So let's not think about like what life looked like before today, but leaving this place, wives, you are uniquely made, uniquely called, uniquely valued, and you are what your husband isn't, and that's awesome. So support him, fall under rank of his authority, respect him, and husbands love your brides the way that Jesus loves His church. Be a steward over her life in the way that that you sacrifice yourself, the way that you sanctify her, the way that you serve her, because of the love that God has called you to give to her, and let us together be determined to step into our marriage and to make it exactly what it is that God designed-not just to be with each other, but to be for each other. Does that make sense? All right, so let's go ahead and and and pray, and then we're gonna take a break, and then and then we're gonna jump into our next session. We're gonna give it about 10 minutes, but let's just let's just go ahead and pray, and then we'll take that little break, and then and then we'll get into the next spot. And when we do, just so you know, the fellas we're gonna be in here, and the ladies in session two are going to be across the hall in the fellowship hall. Okay, so let's go ahead and pray. Father, thank you for this time. Thank you for the things that you have established. I know it's a lot. I know that right now, like it just feels like like we're drinking water from a fire hydrant. It's just a lot coming at us at once, but it's because you're designed for our marriages are are they mean a lot, like our roles mean a lot to each other, and Lord, where there's that part of us that that that enters into our marriage, looking at our spouse and saying, "What is what's in this for me? I pray that there would be in this moment a submission to you, that that we would consider our spouse in a way that says, "I'm here for you. That we give all of ourselves to each other, and in so doing, discover the wonder of your purpose for our marriages. We ask in Jesus' name, Amen.