Session 4 (Longevity)

Okay, if you could turn with me in your Bibles to Colossians chapter four, Colossians chapter four. So a few years ago, Brooke and I were taking our kids on a road trip to visit my my grandmother up in the bay, and as we were driving down the or up rather the five freeway, we had the GPS on. We had Waze on my phone, and it told us to get off the freeway at Magic Mountain Parkway, and it took us like down some random detour, and it seemed like it took us way out of the way because at at one point we were along the freeway, but then we took this right and we started to like drive down this road that started to get really windy, and then it went in this place like I didn't even recognize, and I felt like I was getting into 10 Buck Two, and then past Never Never Land, and over the river, and through the woods, and and all this just to get to grandmother's house, and and and there's a point where Brooke and I started to look at each other, and we're like, did we did we make a bad decision by trusting ways? You know, like did did why are we doing this? Because it made no sense, and at this point, we had no idea where we were. Well, it got to the point where the road ended up leading us back towards the freeway-not on the freeway, but on this road towards the freeway that went along the side, and it was up into the hills enough that we could look down into the five freeway, and it turns out that there was this big rig that had turned on its side, and it covered the whole freeway to the point where all the traffic on the five was at a complete and utter standstill. Now, when whenever we drive, especially if we're going like long distances, even though I might know where we're going and I might know the way to get there. Here's the reality, and I know it's going to surprise all of you. I can't see the future. I don't know what is down the road. I can't see what's coming up ahead, and so even if I know the directions, a lot of times, when I'm driving the freeway, I will use ways because I can't see what's happening on the road ahead. Now, because God is outside of time, and because God knows what we don't, because He is perfect and perfectly good and absolutely holy, God sees our life in ways that we just don't, and He knows what we don't, and He sees what we don't. His ways might lead us to places that are opposite of our nature. Like how many of the things that we've been talking about even today are are counterintuitive to our nature, how we function, and so God, in teaching us His ways, challenges us in ways that we might not expect, and and in the end, He calls us to live on terms that that are just opposite to to who we are and who we found ourselves to be, so that we can get to the point where it feels like, where is God taking me? What is He doing? And why am I going in this direction? Is this really where I'm supposed to be? And we find out that if we can just trust God and follow where He leads, then then then we can rest in that He always leads us into life. We might not understand the journey. We might not understand the process, but we do understand that in the end, He leads us into life in in fullness, and that's true of our marriages. If we can come to terms with the role that God has created for the wife to be the the reinforcement, the the the support system to the husband who is meant to sacrificially lead by the standard of who Jesus is in love with His love if we can understand that that it takes time and a process to build it out even through you know navigating away from the pitfalls and and into all the things that's going to cause us to succeed.

If we can get to the place where we recognize that that there are seasons that are going to try and distract us from from being everything that God wants us to be, but if we we we set the tone for our marriage that we're going to pursue God in all of His ways, then then we'll see our marriages stand the test of time. The session that we're going to end with today is called God's design for longevity, and there are a lot of directions that we could go with this. Like if we're going to talk about longevity and what's. Necessary to carry our our marriages to the end and to see them successful till death do us part. We could talk about a need for having good plans and good rhythms and solid structures, but for our time, we're going to focus it like this. We're going to talk about grace. We're going to talk about forgiveness, and we're going to talk about the need to daily lay our life down, because all our plans and all our rhythms and all the structures we set won't work unless those things are set as the foundation, right? Unless we are willing to be in a place where we create space for grace, forgiveness, and and we set the tone in the way that we daily lay our life down, then no matter how we plan or how we try to communicate or how we try to function, it's just not going to work. And so we're going to start with grace, and and with that we're going to look at Colossians chapter four, starting at verse five and six, and I'm going to actually read this one from the ESV. Paul writes, "Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, that you may know how you ought to answer each person. Now, now, don't you love how Paul talks about marriage right here? Well, he doesn't really, right? You look at the text, you're like, "Where's where's the marriage stuff? Where's the the information for husbands and wives? Paul's not talking about any of that in context here. As a matter of fact, what Paul's talking about is the way that we, as the church, engage the lost world. He's saying there's there's a world out there that is totally lost and disconnected from Jesus, and so what we are meant to do then is walk in wisdom, live in wisdom, when we consider those that are on the outside, so that we can redeem the time that God has given us, and so as a result, here's the instruction: Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt. That when you speak, your words need to be with grace, to the point where where it preserves life, because that's what that salt was meant for, and that's why Paul uses it in this section. He's like, the idea is to preserve them to life. So rather than go at them hard, rather than than condemn them, rather than push them down, we are meant to build them up, and so our speech is meant to lead them into a place of grace. So again, this is a marriage conference. So what does that have to do with marriage? Well, consider this: What's the purpose that Paul's getting at when he talks about our gracious speech towards the lost? Well, it's to win the lost, because God loves them like God loves us, and we are trophies of God's grace. You and I exist as trophies of God's grace. We we are examples that God is a gracious God. Every single one of our story. I don't care about your your background. I don't care what you've been through. I don't care what you've done. Every single last person who has a committed life in Jesus. We are a trophy of God's grace that God loves us and that God gives us grace that we don't deserve, and that brought us to a place of salvation. Our life is a living testimony of the grace of God, and so Paul says, "Take that life into the world and show them the grace God gave you, so that they could experience that same kind of grace. Can you can you feel where this is going?

Then, if that's the way that we are called to live with a world lost and dying, how much more is this the heart that God would have us have in our homes? Like, why is it that there's that tendency in us to be less gracious, less kind, less compassionate, less caring, less thoughtful at home than we are with strangers, than we are maybe at work, or that we are maybe with extended relatives. Maybe there's a patience that you can have for your brother and sister that you just can't find for your spouse. Why is it then that in the relationship that God has elevated above all others, we find less room for for space for forgiveness and restoration and patience and kindness. So, what God intends for us in the way that we engage the world, we have to know that. Much more. That's what God intends for us, and I love that Paul builds this conversation around conversation. He he builds it around our speech. He said, "Let your speech be with grace. Why is is that a thing? Like, why not just act in grace? Well, you remember what Jesus said, it's out of the abundance of our heart that what that our mouth speaks. So if we speak in words of grace, it's meant to be reflective of a heart of grace. Meaning everything then that we do is in line with grace, and so how we speak is meant to be how we live. Therefore, where how we speak and live with grace towards the world. We are meant to present that to each other. How many of us were shocked when we found out that our spouse was human? No one. Like you weren't like, oh my goodness! I thought you were Superman. Turns out you were Clark Kent this whole time. None of us are shocked by that. Okay, so if we're not shocked that our spouse is human, and we can also recognize that to be human is to be sinful, and and that means making mistakes, that means failure, that means a lack of perfection. Why don't we have room for any of that in our home? Room, room for understanding that your spouse is as much in process as as as you are. Well, conflict is a result of that, right? We we we recognize that conflict is built into the human experience. Now we had a workshop that dealt with conflict, but let's let's talk a little bit about it right now. So I was driving down Rosecrans one day, and I got to a point where I was almost at the 710, and I got stuck at a light, I was two cars back from the the intersection. Now I know that specifically because in the two cars in front of me, I was along the little island that they have right there at that part of the the street. The two cars in front of me, there was a dude that got out in each of the cars, and and I'm sitting there just waiting for the light to turn, and the doors open, and these guys jump out, and it caught my attention obviously, and and I'm watching these guys, and instantly they run up on each other and start screaming at each other. I don't know what they're saying, but in my brain I'm like, oh, it's about to go down, right? And I'm watching it, and sure enough, it does. One guy swung at the other guy, and it was like ding, ding. The fight was on, and they were just like throwing haymakers at each other, which was kind of ridiculous because you could tell like both of them must have learned how to fight from like high school. Remember high school fights? They're just ridiculous, just like swinging their arms aimlessly at each other. That's what these guys were doing, and and there's like a part of me that I was thinking. I was like, what do I'm supposed to do in this? Like like, do I do do I just like do I jump out and and and push them apart? Do I sit there and like roll down my window? That's how old I am. I say roll down my window like this. Like do I roll down my window, be like, "Hey, you kids, stop that rassling!

You know, or or or do I just like bust out my phone and be like, "This is going on my insulator. I I didn't know what to do, and as I was processing what to do, all of a sudden one guy stopped fighting, and he looked at the other guy, said a couple words. They literally, like, I kid you not, they dabbed each other up, got back in their cars, and then the light turned green. All of that happened from the moment the light turned red to the time that it turned green again. Now that experience reminds me so much of the human condition. We're just going at each other, and it's just this series and cycles of of of conflict and resolution, and then more conflict and resolution, throwing everything at each other, and then and then dapping each other up, and then just kind of moving on. And it's this like ongoing cycle. Well, why does that cycle exist? Because the reality of our human condition is that we are, well, sinners, and that sin, that bit of our humanity, is going to grind on each other. Like, can we accept that? Can you accept that as long as you're living with another human being, that your. Sin is going to grind on their sin, and and vice versa. And that this is a life where your humanity is brought into life of another human, and and and there's going to be conflict in it. You're going to get hurt, and you're going to hurt. You're going to be offended, and you will be the offender. You're going to be in a place where where you need to ask for forgiveness, and you need to be in a place where, or you're going to be in a place where you need to give forgiveness. So, in all of this, what we find is the requirement of grace. If we're going to last and go the distance in our marriages, then grace is required. There needs to be some space to be able to work things out. Don't we need grace? And doesn't God give us grace, not just in bringing us into salvation, but in the process of our sanctification, well, the grace that we need for ourselves, our spouse needs too, and and where we are instruments of God's grace, proclaiming God's grace to the lost, in our marriages we get to be instruments of God's grace, extending grace to your spouse. Paul David Tripp put it this way: There are still times when we have greater trust in our instincts than we do God's wisdom, and when we do, our marriages suffer the results of our foolishness. So we rest in God's wisdom and and grace, but we do not rest in our perspective of marriage. as As long as we are two sinners living in a fallen world, there will be work to do. Sometimes that means being willing to serve when it's the last thing we want to do. Sometimes it means being willing to listen when our instinct is to argue. Sometimes it means being willing to love, even in those moments when the other doesn't seem deserving. Sometimes it means humbly asking for forgiveness when we are tempted to argue that we are right. Sometimes it means being willing to go through a moment of tension so that truth can get on the table. Sometimes it means being willing to overlook a a minor offense. But there is one thing that we know for sure: as we rest in God's grace, we are called to give grace to one another. And as we celebrate God's wisdom, we must be willing to let that wisdom be our moment by moment guide as we relate and respond to each other. So you might be like, "Well, Brandon, I get it, but what if they don't deserve it? Well, by grace, definition is what unearned. It's unearned favor, and so we need to consider in all of our reactions how we react towards one another and the way that we set the tone for grace in our home. Let me ask you this question: What's the temperature like in your house? So this last week was a hot week. Our our air conditioner, our air conditioner could not work as hard as the heat being like pounded. Like where we live, you guys know they're our neighbors.

So so where we live, our house faces the sun from morning until evening. It's just always present, like always in the sun, and so our house gets super hot. Like where the front part of our house, there's no insulation, so it just takes in everything that's beat down on it. And our air conditioning could not work as as hard as the heat, or as hard as was required for the heat coming in. There's some of us, though we love Jesus, are bringing so much tension in our home that the temperature in our home is so high that whatever we have in our relationship with God, it's not able to counteract it because we're leaning so hard into our our broken humanity, and not only do we have to live in that tension with each other, our kids have to live in it too. What's the experience of of of living in a house with you as mom and dad for your kids? Are they feeling the tension? Because let me tell you, you don't have to be in an argument to feel the tension, right? Okay, let's. Let's put them aside, and let me ask you: anybody? You don't even have to raise your hand. I'm not trying to like bring up family trauma, but how many of us grew up in that kind of tension? So we know, right? We know exactly what it's like to be in that space, and how many of us are creating that space for our kids because there's a lack of grace in our home with each other, that that tension that temperature is raging in our home. Proverbs chapter 29 verse 11. If you were with us earlier, fellas, I want you to hear this: a fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check. Do you give full vent to your anger? Maybe you're not screaming, but maybe you're throwing stuff around, or maybe you're just ice cold. But that ice coolness is filling up the whole house. Like where where where are we with our spouse, and when it comes to all the things that we're feeling, do we let everybody in the house know exactly how we feel about our wife in that moment? Or ladies, consider this: in Proverbs chapter 21 verse nine, it says this: Better to dwell in the corner of a house top than in a house shared with a contentious woman. Sounds sexist, but is it though? There's there's that part that can that can exist in in both men and women, but but here Solomon is explicitly exposing just a heart that can be in a woman, where where contention is the driving force because you're so upset or so angry or or or you're so irritated or so offended or so hurt that that it's just contention everywhere, and and according to the scriptures, it's better to dwell in the corner of a housetop, potentially able to fall over. It is more comfortable to be on the edge of a housetop than to share a home with a contentious woman. Now I don't want you ladies to feel picked on because in this, there's there's enough room for both of us, men and women, husband and wife alike, to know that that when we are in a place of offense, in Jesus, we can manage things different than what our flesh is driving us into. The temperature doesn't have to be high, even if we are justifiably hurt. Like just because your your it's understandable what it is that you're going through doesn't mean you get to deliver to your spouse a reciprocal response based on what they did to you. Turn with me in your Bibles to Romans. Just a little to the left, Romans chapter 12. Romans chapter 12. Now, now a lot of this I fully recognize can sound almost contra can can almost sound in nature, like it's it's it's challenging us or it's it's confronting us. But but really, what God is trying to do is help us to understand how we process our stuff in a way that it's meant to breathe life into our homes, rather than let it be in a place of tension and and and death and and and darkness and pain. In Romans chapter 12, we're told this in verse 17. Repay no one evil for evil.

Okay, that phrase "no one" is super interesting in the Greek. Do you know what it means? Not so quick to answer that one, are we? No one means no one. Not the stranger down the street. Not your extended family, and especially not your spouse. Repay no one evil for evil. Like there is no justification anywhere in the scriptures. None anywhere in the scriptures. It's okay to give if that's what you get. It's okay to give out what you receive. You get evil from them. Speak evil back. Do evil back. Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men, especially your spouse. If it is possible, as much as depends on who. No, not me. You. If it is possible, as much depends on you. Live peaceably with all men. We want that backwards. Nah, we'll live in peace as soon as you start showing me some peace. But God didn't put it that way, did He? He said, No, no, no. As as as as much as it depends on you, so what are you trying to bring to the table? He says, "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord. Okay, so before we go on there, I think this is where we start to perk up a little bit. Oh, yeah, let's talk about the wrath of God and His vengeance, so this is this is what He's saying. He's saying, beloved, don't avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath. You're like I gave place to a lot of wrath, but what He's saying is, it's the wrath of God. In other words, let God respond to them rather than you do it. How do we know? Because He says, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay the Lord. Says the Lord. It's like it's it's my job. So so listen, listen. God is saying it's my job to administer justice. It's not your job. Okay, okay, husband and wife, you hear me? It's God's job to administer justice, not your job. It's not your job to make your spouse pay. But isn't that what we want? Especially in conflict, you hurt me, so I want you to hurt back. You deserve it. Whose job is that? It's not yours. It's God's. But see, that's where it gets really tricky, right? So this whole idea of loving your spouse unconditionally and respecting your spouse unconditionally-the trick in that is that it can feel like you're walking on a tightrope without a net. See, guys, I told you it was coming. Guys, I mean the fellas. We talked about this earlier. It is. It can feel that way, right, wives? Isn't it? Isn't there a part of you that starts to say, "Well, God, I don't know if I want to submit to my husband like that and unconditionally respect my husband because what if I do and they don't love me like they're supposed to? I have to hold it back for my own protection because if if I don't, I'm I'm on a tight rope and and and I'm and I'm without a net and I'm exposed. And fellas, we could be like, yeah, I'll love her when she starts to respect me. But if I love her and she continues to disrespect me, how am I supposed to like get her to a place where she can stop it and I can love in a way that she deserves it? I'm on a tightrope without a net, and God is like, you're looking at it all all wrong. You can't see the net, but the net is me. God saying, "I'm the net that will catch you. I'm the one that will protect you. So if something goes sideways, let me handle your spouse. But then we can go to God and be like, "Okay, so are they going to suffer? Are they gonna are are they gonna be punished? Let me ask you, as a trophy of God's grace. What are you hoping for for yourself? Full punishment for all the things that you've done. For all the times you hurt your spouse, are you hoping that God gives you back exactly what you gave. Why is it that when we sin, we cry out, "God, show me mercy, God, where is your grace?

But when somebody else does it, we're like, "Ooh, go get him, God! Where's that lightning bolt? Strike them twice, and then another one for the road, and then maybe another one for good measure. God says, "Look, they're my job. It's my job to teach them. It's my job to work in their life, that's not your job. It's my job. You invest in one another, yes. Love one another, yes. Challenge one another, yes. Have the conversations you need to have, yes. But in terms of justice, that's God's job. He says, "Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine; I will repay, says the Lord. Therefore, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink, for in doing so you will heap coals of fire on his head. Ooh, I like that one. Let's heap some fire on their head. You, you. That phrase, but I don't think it means what you think it means. As a matter of fact, I know that it doesn't, because historically, culturally, you know what that idea of heaping fire was. In that time, they had coals that they would use to keep their houses warm, and if they ever ran out of coals for their home, they would be able to go to a neighbor and ask for coals to keep their house warm. So, can you share your coals with me? And they would have a plate that they would put above their head and carry the coals. He's saying, if your neighbor, if your if the one that hurts you is hungry, feed him. If they're thirsty, give him something, drink. And if they're cold, well, by your love, give them warmth. That's that's at the heart right there. So if that's true of everybody, again, how is that not true, especially for your spouse, the one that God says is is your one flesh, the one that God says is is the answer to your loneliness, the one that God says is the one that's supposed to be for you what you're not, the one that God has determined is your ride or die till death do you part, for better or for worse. So this is your partner in life. This is meant to be the one that you are one flesh with. If there is anybody in your life that that that needs to get your grace more than your kids, more than your brother or your sister, more than your mom or your dad, more than your random stranger that you work with, it is your wife. It is your husband. I think. I think there's an encouragement for us here on how to respond when we're in a place of hurt. Counteract your pain with grace, Because notice, we're told here in Romans chapter 12, verse 21: Do not overcome, or excuse me, do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. So, so your spouse hurt you. Your wife said something disrespectful. Maybe in that moment, swallow your pride a little bit, and say, "I hear you. I'm sorry. Let me meet you, ladies. You feel like your husband's not thinking about you like he ought to. Maybe write him a note and say something like, "I see you. Thank you for all your good work. I love you. Thank you for providing for our family. Rather than waiting for those moments when your spouse deserves it by your standards, maybe give something to them in that moment in the hopes that God will use it to speak to their heart and be encouraged, and be shaped into being the kind of spouse that you need. Grace does that. Our own executed justice does not. Grace transforms. Grace transformed us in our relationship with God, and grace continues to do that transforming work in our sanctification, and grace sets the tone for long-lasting marriages. Because it's when justice is present over grace, it's when it's when our revenge is present over grace that marriages suffer, and they tend to end real quick. right, so let's talk about something a little bit easier, like forgiveness. Let's talk about forgiveness, because forgiveness is an act of ongoing grace. Turn with me in your Bibles. Unique in the way that it's applied differently. Turn with me in your Bibles to Matthew chapter six. Matthew chapter six.

Now, now we as as people who have been redeemed before God, we can understand like the freedom and the joy that comes with with our forgiveness, right, in the way that God has forgiven us, David expressed it this way in Psalm 32, verses one and two. He says, "Blessed is he whose transgression is forgiven, whose sin is covered. Blessed is the man to whom the Lord does not impute iniquity, and in whose spirit there is no deceit. David is is using. The word "blessed" and and in the Hebrew it's this idea of apex of happiness. The highest point of happiness a person can experience is when you have been forgiven. David understood this probably better than any of us because it was out of the abundance of his sin that he's saying this. He was in a place where you know, as king, he was chilling on his rooftop, and you know his story. He was seeing Bathsheba bathing, and and and he was like, "Ooh, I like her. She's pretty. And then he went and he got her. Now, now, there's some context in the scriptures that gives the idea that he probably already knew her at some point. Like she wasn't a stranger, but he went and got her. He committed adultery as they were both married to other people, and then she comes at him and was like, "I'm I'm pregnant, and so as a means of trying to cover his sin, you know what he did. He he got her husband killed so that he could marry her to try and bury the secret and be like, "What? It's a honeymoon baby. David was completely exposed. God confronted him of his sin. David was unrepentant for a year, and he said, "During that years, like like my bones were old. I was I was just like being pressed under the weight of conviction, and then he came to a place of repentance, and God's like, "I forgave you before you even started talking, and it was from that place that David was like, "Apex of happiness is in a place when you've been forgiven, and you know how guilty you are. Isn't that every single one of us, the moment we get saved, the every time we look at the cross, oh, the joy of God's forgiveness! And so, it's with that in mind that I want us to consider what Jesus teaches us in Matthew chapter six, Jesus giving us the Sermon on the Mount, the greatest sermon in the history of ever, the greatest Bible study ever. Jesus teaches us to pray. You can quote it, but read it. Look at verse nine. In this manner, therefore, pray, Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors, and do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one. For yours is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory forever. Amen. Now we generally refer to this as the example of prayer given to us as the Lord's prayer, but Jesus is showing us not how He prayed, but how we are meant to pray. Now, this is what I think is super interesting. This is the prayer Jesus gives to us, the example Jesus gives to us of prayer. Verses nine through 13. Look at verse 14. He says, "For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. Here is what I think is interesting: Jesus gives us the model of prayer, and the commentary on that model of prayer isn't so. When you pray, know that you got to consider like the greatness of God, and then there's adoration, and then after that adoration, ask for your needs, and then after that, consider like your daily life. Like He doesn't do any of those things. He gives us the model of prayer, and then He says in verse 14, four, because if you forgive, you'll be forgiven, and if you don't, you won't.

The commentary Jesus gives in direct connection to the model of prayer is why praying for forgiveness and then extending that forgiveness has to be present in all of us to give the forgiveness that we get. You want to talk about giving what you get? Start with the grace and the forgiveness God gives. Paul the apostle reiterated this twice. Once in Ephesians, the other in Colossians. In Ephesians, he put it this way: Ephesians 430 through 32. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God by whom you are sealed on the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you with all malice and be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. Colossians chapter three verses 12 through 14. Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, weakness, long suffering, bearing with one. Another forgiving one another. If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, you also must do. But above all these things, put on love, which is the bond of perfection. Saying in love, forgive the way that God forgave you, because what are we told in First Corinthians chapter 13 about love? Love keeps no record of wrong. Love keeps no receipts. Forgiveness has to be present in our marriage, as it's present in our relationship with God, especially if our marriage is meant to reflect our relationship with God, and husbands, you are the tone setters in this. Like wives, don't think that you're off the hook, but the husband, the leader of the home, you are meant to be the tone setter in this. Now I get it. Some of us have been wounded and scarred beyond measure. Forgiveness. Understand this, like please. Like I think when we talk about the forgiveness of God, we get it twisted somehow. Like forgiveness is not diminishing the real weight of your scars. It's not saying that your pain doesn't exist. If you've been through it in your marriage, maybe maybe you've gone through some stuff in your marriage, and there's some stuff that remains that even though you've kind of moved past it, you've never really gotten rid of it. God's not saying that that's not real. He's just saying that forgiveness is meant to be more powerful than that thing, in the same way that the Bible tells us that His grace is greater than our sin. Forgiveness is about setting you free, you and your spouse about setting you free so that you can live in life full and free, without the added weight of unforgiveness. Like family, there is no out for us in this. If we've received this kind of grace and forgiveness, we need to give it back without hesitation, without caveat. There's no way that God gives us an out in any of this. Forgiveness, like love and grace, is something that happens over and over and over and over and over again. We're almost done, but I would just have us consider it this way: When God talks about the way He forgives, especially the Old Testament, He uses a couple words or a couple ideas. He says, "As far as the east is from the west, so far has he what removed our transgressions from us? He says that he chooses to forget them, and that he casts them into the sea. These are great descriptors of what it means for us to forgive, that we separate the wrong from the one that did the wrong, in a way that it never comes back on them, where we choose to forget it, even when we struggle to, and when we take what they did and toss it into a place that will never put back on them. In in the Greek, when Jesus tells us to forgive, that word forgive literally means to let go. Some of us are holding on, and we got to let go. And and can we just admit that it's not a one time thing? Like you say, I tried to forgive, but I just can't. I did it that one time, but it came back to me. Well, think about it like love. Do you love somebody one time and are like set for life. Do you serve one time and are like, I did it that one time.

Forgiveness is for the multitude of sins. Forgiveness is for that same sin that you have to forgive a multitude of times because you were driving in your car, and then you had a memory, and all that stuff you felt comes back flooding into your life and into your mind again, where you want to get angry all over again, and you have to choose forgiveness again, or it came up again somehow, some way, and you need to choose forgiveness again. You remember the the the limit that Jesus put on it, right? Where Jesus is teaching his disciples about forgiveness, and and and Peter's like, "Hey, how many times should I forgive? A whole seven times? And Jesus like, "Bump that! It's 70 times seven. So does that mean we have to forgive only 490 in our humanity? That's how we want to put it. But what Jesus is doing is He's teaching that our forgiveness is meant to be as limitless as His. The extent of our forgiveness isn't established by our willingness, nor is it established by their conviction. It is established by God's example of grace given to us, God's example of forgiveness given to us. It's about the character of God and the character God is building into us. All right, that leads us to our last point, and I just want you to see this as we bring this entire thing to a close. Turn with me in your Bibles to John chapter 21. John chapter 21. We looked at this section of scripture a couple weeks ago. It was after the death and resurrection of Jesus, after Jesus had appeared to his disciples several times. He meets them while they're out fishing. You know the story. They fished all night, caught nothing. Jesus told them to cast it once again. They did. There's a ton of fish. John was like, "I saw this movie before. That's the Lord. Peter jumps into the water, and they get over there, and then eventually they have breakfast. And Jesus has this conversation with Peter. You know it, Peter. Do you love me? Three times. Then feed my sheep, tend my sheep, feed my lambs. And then afterwards, he looks at Peter, and he says to him, in verse 18, he says, "Most assuredly, I say to you, when you were younger, you girded yourself and walked where you wished, but when you were old, you will stretch out your hands, and another will gird you and carry you where you do not wish. This he spoke, signifying by what death he would glorify God. And when he had spoken this, he said to him, "Follow me. Then Peter, turning around, saw the disciple whom Jesus loved following, who had also-or excuse me-who also had leaned on his breast at the supper and said, "Lord, who is the one who betrays you? Peter, seeing him, said to Jesus, "But Lord, what about this man? And Jesus said to him, "If I will that he remain till I come, what is that to you? You follow me. So what's happening here is that Jesus looks at Peter and he's like, "Hey, by the way, Pete, when you were younger, you dress yourself however you wanted and you wear what you wanted, but when you're older, when it's time for you to give your life for me. Somebody's going to put clothes on you you're not going to want to wear, and they're going to lead you to a place you're not going to want to go. And at that point, you're going to die, but you're going to glorify God in the process. And then he says, "Come follow me. And apparently, that wasn't just like a generic command; it was specific because apparently, according to the context, they got up and started walking. We know that because Peter looks around and he sees John following, like a little kid trying to like follow the big brother. Now, now having heard that he was going to die, he he looks at Jesus like, "What about him? You ever get to that point, like where where you're like you want some comfort and relief, so you're like, hey, if I got to go through it, can they go through it too? Well, Peter looks at Jesus and he points towards John. He's like, what about him? And Jesus, I love his response.

He's like, what's that to you? What if I want him to stick around until I come again? You follow me. Hey, look, family. This is what we need for longevity in our marriages-a grace that creates a soft landing spot for the sanctification and transformation of our spouse, forgiveness that's as limitless as the forgiveness that God has given us, and a willingness to lay our life down in a way that we can say, "Jesus, they are in your hands. I'm gonna follow you. The biggest reasons why marriages don't last the test of time, because they're so caught up on what their spouse is doing that they forget you, they, us, we are meant to be the ones to follow Jesus, trusting our spouses in the hands of God, and by the way, those are better hands than yours, better hands than ours. So, at the end of the day, this is how longevity happens: plans, structures, integrity, all those things. Leaning into the roles that God built for us, but all of those are on the foundation of the grace, the forgiveness, and the life that God has given for us, and that He expects us to live for Him in return, as trophies of God's grace, as recipients of God's Limitless forgiveness, and as those that God has called to deny ourselves and to pick up our cross and to follow Him, we step fully into the marriages that God has given as as trophies of grace, as agents Of grace, knowing we do this together. So right now, I'm going to ask Alex to come up here, and he's going to lead us in the time of worship and communion. Now I look around; we we all we all know the rhythm of communion, right? So there isn't anybody here that's like, "What is that all about? How do we do this? We all know. This is how I I want to to open that open up for us right now, husbands, spiritual leaders in your home. If you have a committed relationship with Jesus, and at this point, I mean I can't assume that of any of us, but I'm going to talk about it like like I can. You have a committed relationship with Jesus. I'm going to ask you to come up here and grab the elements of communion, and then go back to your wife and serve her. Pray over her. This is the blood of Jesus shed for you. It was given to me. It's given to you. We meet Jesus at the cross, and out of His love for us, His sacrifice for us, I serve you As husband, to love you the way that Jesus loves you, to lay my life down like Jesus laid His life down, to extend to you the grace and forgiveness that Jesus has given me. We meet Jesus at the cross, and together we remember him.